DOES SEX SUM UP QUEER SEXUALITY?

Being accustomed to homophobic outbursts or comments laced with vitriol and contempt (‘cause of my pro-LGBT activism), I’ve come to realize that most people demonize queer sexualities (particularly gay men) because they cannot picture two naked men in bed having sex. Whenever you mention a non-conforming sexuality, they only thing that comes to mind is the nature of the ‘abnormal ‘sex associated with it.

And I’m forced to ask, does sexual intercourse sum up sexuality?

Sex in this context simply refers to sexual intercourse, while sexuality is an interplay between body image, gender identity, gender role, sexual orientation, eroticism, genitals, intimacy, relationships, and love and affection.

Most Christians try to invalidate homosexual desires with biblical verses that condemn the act of getting intimate with your own kind, and not necessarily the feelings, as if trying to deny the existence of feelings/emotions in homosexual unions, or even the existence of asexual people.

Imagine trying to define homosexuality through just the physical contact or sex, I bet it would be seen as totally outrageous and wrong. We find it right to think that sex is always secondary in hetero-normative relationships, but not in homosexual ones. That’s why a gay guy would inbox a fellow guy, asking him out and all, and the guy would come out to write stupid things like: “I cover my yansh with the blood of Jesus” or call him a “bloody faggot” and threaten him with bodily harm.

And this is not entirely different when it comes to lesbians; most guys would tell you that watching two women touching themselves inappropriately is not so disgusting when compared to two men doing same. Most of them make this claim because when they fantasize about two women, it arouses them, and they totally leave out the possibility of emotions being attached to the act itself.

This is a grave mistake many people are guilty of; sexuality is more than just senseless bonking. It incorporates a lot of emotional shit like love, affections, lust, crush and other things. But this is not to say that casual sex is non-existent in queer sexualities, even straight folks have casual sex or flings too. Sexuality is much more than just sexual intercourse, it is broader and more encompassing, we should learn to see it as such.