I think of my woman and then the first time I met her and the joy of meeting a woman that was unlike any other. I have always fallen in love with people who are not like people I have always known, the ones who seem to have the rules of life figured out. Rather, I liked the wild ones.
She had opened up to me like sun through departing clouds, talking incessantly about what she wanted to talk about. She was the sunshine that rainy day.
I remember the sweetness of our first vacation, and the man she had all but attacked which after hearing him out I may have begun to think more deeply about the woman I wanted to marry.
I had walked into her house once and found her expensive plates in pieces in the floor, her sitting amidst them amidst tears.
Another very gory time was when she ripped the skins off her upholstery after which she gently stitched them back like someone else had done it.
I understood her deeper again when I broke my arm. She chose to come take care of me and I counted the hours in anticipation until a loud crash had awoken me from the sedation. The hood of her car was trying to wrap itself around the trunk. It had taken me a few minutes to get there. The airbag was out, she was unhurt and still, in deep thought too, her eyes blank. She turned her head to me and smiled weakly. She stepped out of the car, head down and gave me the keys. When she turned to walk away, my free hand drew her close. She started to sob. She was truly sorry.
For every crazy good she felt, there was an equal and opposite outrage some time afterwards.
I count our meetings in odds and evens now. On our second meeting, she was crying under the rain. The fourth had her arguing with someone, and her voice had called me there and I carted her away. I see now that my work is cut out for me, and I think to myself that her final act will come if I get married to her.
So, I pull her tighter. Kiss her hair. I taste some blood. She is actually bleeding. I lead her towards the house to play doctor. Resolute about playing this forever.
-written by Shammah Godoz, instagram/twitter @shagariii