THE CHARMING PSYCHOPATH WE MET

My alter ego was your once-in-a-lifetime, not ordinary Miss Spontaneous; making us quit jobs barely one week after we started, taking us to parties and ending up wasted on a stranger’s couch, and deep experimenting. Don’t bother, story for another day. And we are Nigerian, so don’t conclude this is another privileged American story that you see only in movies.

I envied her, and her views towards life.  She believed fixation was the worst way to live such a brief life. The idea of living everyday like it’s the last; you grab as much fun as you can before the grim reaper comes calling.

She was sassy, lewd, and overly confident. So fond of words like ass, cunnilingus, and other words I can’t bring myself to write. And I was the meek one, so destined to inherit the earth. Best in my class, voted most likely to succeed, and you know the rest. I believed so much in routine, in modesty, and in reserved intelligence. She was everything I wasn’t, so funny how we completed each other.

So the day we met Dimeji at the club, she was the one in charge. And good ol’ meek me stood aside taking notes. My sassy alter-ego was taken with his sense of humour, intelligence, and special skills at pleasing a woman. She was soon staying over at his place, deliberately leaving lingerie behind, and catering to his wolfish appetites. I was left to bear the cautions at work, and to face my always grumpy boss.  I didn’t really veto Dimeji and the goody goody show he puts up, but sassy me believed I was too cynical to accept a well-packaged gift from the strange fellows in heaven. I still kept my criticism, but not without enjoying the good good loving he was giving.

Then shit hit the ceiling. Turns out dude was clunkers.  Sometimes he was as lovely as an orchid on a July morning, other days he was a fucking cactus feeding on sand and emptiness. He was always cleaning, cleaning that freaks you the hell out. He was complicated, perhaps too complicated for our spontaneity.

He would blow hot, threatening hell and brimstone, and the next minute burst into tears. He would beg us not to leave, and promise to do better and be better. Then he would clean and clean. Sassy me was confused, she had to step aside for the meek me.

Meek me encouraged him to trust himself more, to seek medical attention, and to be happier. And he’s getting better. And Sassy me is gnawing already, she’s bored and wants to move. Sadly, I’m the one in charge right now, and we are so staying till whenever.

 

 

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