Alternative history: SANI ABACHA DID NOT EAT THE APPLE!

Setting:

17 years back in time, in a well-furnished room with plenty of pictures in Aso-rock. Sign of a narcissist occupying the residence.

One beautiful morning amidst the numerous complains of hardship and indiscriminate jailing of activists, a bubbling head of state (Oga General) is preparing to meet another head of state, Who said soldiers don’t like head?

Anyway, everything is set, including the drinks and Cuban cigars. The visiting head of state is from Palestine, a frail-looking man in a suit with lots of serious looking aides. Looking as if he’d break if the wind blows too hard.  Anyway, they shake hands and hug with all the yama yama, and do all the formal greetings known to military leaders.

The party soon begins, with girls and booze changing from hand to hand. Oga General is not really worried with the alarming number of girls because he knows the current Parlour-wife is far away in Dubai spending money from oil reserves, and his guest looks happy with two girls by his side. He likes his current Parlour-wife though, especially how she bullies him in bed.

Few hours later:
The party has ended and Oga General is currently not feeling himself, must be the alcohol. He has never been one to hold in his drinks. The Doctor soon comes to administer an injection to stabilize him, yeye man! He must have forgotten how Oga General does not like injections. But Oga General is too tired to talk so the Doctor injects him anyway, making sure to push it in entirely. The Doctor soon leaves, but not before instructing the aide to allow him get some rest.  Meanwhile, Oga General sleeps on comfortably.

And in the next room, the ungrateful visiting head of state is uncomfortable, and the white aide is trying to calm him down. The white aide is not really a white aide, he’s from the UN. The visiting head of state is uncomfortable because he keeps thinking the plan between his government and the UN would fail, and that would mean relinquishing those ‘money-spewing’ oil wells. He soon starts to sweat but the aide assures him that the plan would work, after all Calabar ass is already on her way.
Calabar ass is one of the head of state’s regular girls, always wanting to control Oga General with the influence of her massive behind. It was not so hard for them to about know her, Oga General ‘s monkey businesses are not really clandestine or hard to find out about. They contacted her before the visit and and she agreed to do the job.

Calabar Ass enters the gates with no hassle. Even the guards know about the General’s weakness when it comes to massive behinds.  Calabar Ass enters the room and meets Oga General in a better state, Oga General even regains himself completely at the sight of Calabar Ass. One minute she is all over him, touching him and stroking what’s left of his male ego, and offering him apple.

But Oga General is not fully convinced with the foreplay Calabar Ass is doing.

Why is she not asking for more money or pestering him for the new car he promised her since?
Why is she wearing just a G-string and offering him an apple?

The last time a woman did not ask for more money something bad happened.

The last time a woman offered a man an apple something bad happened too.

Something is not right.

Oga General manages to drag himself away from Calabar Ass and goes into the other room, but instead of going to take some Viagra pills, he calls Right-hand Man-Number-One. Right-hand-Man-One is a christian but still very superstitious. Right-Hand-Man-Number-One reminds Oga General of Eve with her G-string and deadly apple.

Oga General thinks hard about it, he also remembers he did not schedule for them to meet, Calabar Ass almost made him forget that. Then who sent her?

So Oga General and Right-Hand-Man-One enter the room, Calabar Ass is there shameless in her G-string still holding the apple. They force her to eat the apple, and she starts to cry. Calabar Ass confesses everything. The General is angry, and calls some men to take Calabar Ass away. Oga General is sorry too, correct ass wasted just like that.

Oga General vows to teach Ungrateful-head-of-state and his aides a lesson. He calls more men, but when they reach the next room the room is empty. Everything is scattered. The men go out to search and return with nothing. Oga General is more angry.

The next day:
Oga General appears on the TV, bringing his anger with him. He abuses Calabar Ass and her apple, he abuses the ungrateful visiting Head of State, he abuses the foreign aide from UN, he abuses Apple sellers, and also bans the importation of apple. He makes a new decree, that Palestinians should not the enter the country, especially those wearing a suit.

Parlour wife will soon come back from Dubai with her many goods and plenty delegates, and she and Oga General will live happily ever after. Nobody will hear about Calabar Ass and her apple again. Oga General thinks all these, and feels happy again.